Thursday, April 5, 2012

"Occasionally he IS the BritIsh Government" - IF...

Rt. Hon. Mycroft Holmes.M.P.

"The Adventure of the Bruce-Partington Plans" presents Mycroft Holmes as a pivotal figure in the business of good government.

But would be make a good Member of Parliament? Has he the makings of a great Prime Minister?

What follows is a light-hearted mini-blog which dares to wonder:

IF...

There is currently a growing debate in the Blogosphere, on Facebook and via Twitter concerning the relative virtues of 'Playing the Game' and the 'Doylean' approach to the Canon. So...let's imagine for the moment that the Brothers Holmes are real people and the Miliband Bros are fictitious (not the greatest ever leap of imagination, perhaps!). 

Miliband
& Miliband
'Miliband & Miliband' (their introductory novelette) is a kind of poor man's, Anglicised 'Brothers Karamazov' written by an anonymous left wing apparatchik. Written in a sub-Newspeak style, it purports to 'document Socialism in Action'  through 'a series of illustrative case-studies' - largely an earnest, colourless amalgam of constituency surgery notes, autobiographical data, press releases and 'keynote speeches'. Originally serialised in the party's in-house monthly, 'Left at the Strand', the complete novelette is now available on Kindle.

The Great Miliband Petition
Starved as the public has been of quality Left-wing fiction since 'Tony  Blair's A Journey', Twitter and Facebook Fan-sites have witnessed astonishing levels of trending - there seems an insatiable appetite for #ManymoreMilibands as the hashers term their demands. Camps have sprung up world-wide overnight: there are Japanese, Croatian, Argentinian, Senegalese and Uzbekistanese &Miliband devotees who have declared virtual war on Yemeni, Irish, Tasmanian and Syrian supporters of Miliband. Russian readers (so far) have adopted a neutral position, while the great British reading public is so hypnotised by the brothers that 85% of the populace, believing they are real people havc petitioned the Coalition government (as is their right) calling for an immediate General Election at which (so is their devout wish) the Milibands may, by a new Act of Parliament, be permitted to stand jointly as Labour Prime Minister-in-Waiting. 

Meanwhile...

In the real Corridors of Power, a Titanic struggle rages between two real brothers for the Tory leadership. One is a serving Member of Parliament, his younger brother a consultant detective.

The Rt. Hon. Mycroft Holmes M.P. for Westminster would seem the more qualified by far...yet such  is the cult of celebrity in Britain today that Sherlock is the better known (and beloved) amongst the mass of voters who were recently mesmerised by the BBC docudrama SHERLOCK and instrumental in His Return to the small screen after a nationwide outcry at the apparent suicide of their hero during a live election broadcast from Bart's Hospital. Readers of this Blog will recall the wailing in the streets (of Glasgow, Montevideo and Madrid as well as London) when it was announced (prematurely as it emerged) that the Great Detective was no more.

Heads rolled at the BBC. But the damage was done and it took a nationwide tour in The Battle Hansom to reassure the electorate that Sherlock Holmes lives and is ready for the fray. Who has not felt (whatever their political colouring) the frisson of excitement on hearing once again, on lips we thought closed for ever, that rallying election cry, 'The Game's Afoot!'?


Sherlock or Mycroft? Which would make the better Prime Minister?

Comments please here, on Facebook, via Twitter, by Telegram, by e-mail, snail-mail, Irregular-mail, by hand to the doorman at the Diogenes Club or in person to Mrs. Hudson (election agent), Baker Street...

THE TWO BURNING QUESTIONS.

1. Which Holmes would make the better Prime Minister?

2. If they were real people, would you like Miliband or &Miliband or both as your First Minister?