Wednesday, October 10, 2012

"The Whole Art of Bicycling." An 'Altamont' Trifling Monograph.



Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and his wife have a message for Mr. Benedict Cumberbatch on the occasion of his proposed riding of a bicycle from Palace to Palace in aid of The Prince's Trust upon Sunday October 14, in the year of Our Lord, 2012.

Sir, as life-long enthusiasts of the noble pastime of British bicycle riding and in addition claiming more than residual interest in the "Sherlock Holmes" franchise (to use your modern parlance), may we presume to offer you some well-meant instruction and advice on the subject before you venture into the public eye upon your 21st Century aluminium contraption. 


We shall say little about your choice of machine other than to advise the Palmer Tyre should they still be available.



What concerns us much more is that, as the current British occupant of 221b, Baker Street, you should dress and conduct yourself in a manner fitting your status, which does not demean the Holmes name. 

In the matter of suitable garb:




THIS, sir, will NOT do.








And CERTAINLY not THIS!










We have, Sir, seen sketches upon "the internet" (not, I hasten to add, the work of Mr. Paget) in which you appear to be navigating a road ensconced upon a vehicle of unknown (probably foreign) origin, piggy-backing Dr. John Watson! 
My dear wife pronounces this "beyond the pale!"
courtesy Lord-Harry Deviant Art.
 
 
 
 
 
 So offensive does she view such casual attire (the whole effect reminiscent of the antics of our London telegraph boys) that, failing your capacity to adopt any more respectable appearance, perhaps (she suggests) you should borrow a leaf from the comedy book of Mr.  Keaton. At least that would entertain the costermongers!
Buster Keaton as Sherlock Jnr. 1924.



 
I fear, however, the omens are not good for Team SH when I view the Team BC training ride on YourTube:


No, Sir! It will not do.

So, we write to beseech you to think again for the sake of the Sherlock Legacy and Fandom.

The Solution to this Two-wheeled Problem.

I have just read your own words, Mr. Cumberbatch, in that excellent news organ "The Radio Times". Your solution...your MODEL lies there.



The Magisterial Jeremy Brett Shows How It's Done.

Sincerely, ACD.
 (And while I'm at it - what about my Undershaw?!)